An Addicts Past Pt. 14(Walking Blindly)

What happens when we walk blindly through life? A couple of things can happen. Maybe we run into something or try to feel our way to where we’re going, with our other senses. Sometimes in life, we tend to start things, walking blindly. We really have no clue what we’re doing or where we’re headed. We take a bold leap of faith into the unknown. With the hope in our minds, that it’s what God is asking of us to do, for Him. How often though, do we find ourselves, running into things almost immediately? The question then becomes, how do we recover from the stumbling block we’ve hit? One of two things can happen at that point; learn from what’s happened and apply it moving forward or stay stuck right where what has tripped us up is at, and quit. The great thing about falling down and having to get back up, is that it teaches us how to learn from what’s tripped us up and persevere. Life is full of challenges and adversity. It is in those circumstances, that we learn and grow.

“Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition – such as lifting weights – we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.” – Stephen Covey

…After the lights went out, I was left living in a dark apartment. Both literally and figuratively. I was in a very dark place in every way you can imagine. I now had no running water, no electricity, no heat or air, my spiritual life was non existent…I felt I had nothing. I did buy some batteries so I could at least listen to the radio, but the one I had, was very old and the battery receptacles were corroded. That didn’t even want to work. I didn’t have enough money to pay the utility bill, in order to get the lights turned back on. So I decided to do without until I could. I wasn’t going to let anything or anybody stand in my way. By this time, my drinking habit had got so heavy, that it was a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week, job. The only time I slept, was when I passed out and that was only for 2 or 3 hours at a time. Since I had no car, due to my parents keeping it at their house, I walked everywhere.

With no power at home, that meant no hot water heater either. I took a lot of very cold showers. I really didn’t spend very much time at my apartment. Why would I? I had nothing to do there. It was a place to sleep, that was out of the elements, and that was about it. I did have a few choices as to where I could walk to, because I lived on Center St. Almost right in the middle of town. I spent a lot of time walking to the bar, the liquor store and wherever. One afternoon I decided to walk uptown, due to horrible boredom. Drank on the walk there and spent most of the afternoon at a bar called the Downtown. It was probably about 12 or 13 city blocks from my apartment. Which equates to a little over a mile. On my way home, I walked past a house where I recognized a lady I knew. I was only about 2 blocks or so, away from my place and stopped to talk with her for a few. It was my brother in laws sister. She must’ve realized how intoxicated I was. Because after a fairly short time, she asked me if I wanted a ride home. I was very adamant with her though, about how “fine” I was. It wasn’t long after I left our conversation and headed back down the sidewalk, that a city police officer drove past. He recognized how intoxicated I was as well. Immediately whipped his car around and came to investigate. The details of what happened are pretty fuzzy. As I was highly intoxicated and not real cooperative. I just wanted to go home. But, I never made it. My brother in laws sister seen the cop and came to the scene to try and explain to the officer she would take me home, but the officer refused. Probably because I was belligerent drunk. He administered a breathalyzer, which was off the charts high when I blew into it. Concerned for my safety, he placed me in the back of his squad car and off to the hospital we went. He felt I was at a dangerous level and wanted the hospital to monitor me until it came down. The blood drawl at the hospital came back at .49. If you’re doing the math at home, that’s a little over 6 times the legal limit. I was eventually arrested on a public intoxication charge and spent a couple of nights in the county jail.

I got out of jail and again, am at a point where I know it’s time for a change and the drinking needs to stop. I mean most people at .49, the Dr. informed me at the hospital, are either dead or in convulsions. I had such a nasty habit though, my body had become accustomed to having such a high level of alcohol in it. I think it kind of baffled him and me both honestly. I had this thought in my head about dying and the reality of what had just happened. I certainly wasn’t read to die. I had never been married. No kids yet and I had a lot of life to live. It might be time to slow down on the drinking. I gave it another pretty pathetic effort, which lasted about a week before the boredom at my dark apartment, got the best of me. A friend lived about 2 or 3 houses away and one Saturday afternoon, he invited me over to watch college football and have some drinks. Sounded much better than sitting home alone in the dark. So bring it on. We started drinking about 11 a.m. and watched one game, before he and his wife had to go somewhere. I knew they had plans going into it, but was more than okay with however long it lasted. I just didn’t want to be alone in my apartment. We had been drinking vodka cranberries during the game and I thought they were pretty tasty. So after I left his house, I walked up to the CVS to get the ingredients to make the biggest one I could find. I grabbed a half-gallon of vodka, some cranberry juice, a bag of ice and went back to my apartment. Where I drank sitting alone in the dark. Later that day, a few other people I knew, were having a get together and had invited me over. Again, stricken with boredom, I decided to walk over to their house. My half gallon of vodka was about half empty by this time and I really should’ve stayed home. But, I went anyways.

When I arrived at the get together, I was pretty heavily intoxicated. I polished off most of what was remaining in the half-gallon on the way there. It wasn’t long after I got there, before I made a fool of myself and was asked to leave. At that point, I really didn’t care. The rest of my bottle was waiting for me outside. Screw them if they didn’t want me at their party. I started walking home and almost made it, before I again got passed by a city cop. He pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building, just as I was heading up the stairs on the outside of my apartment. I got about half way up them, only to be dragged back down by the officer. I say dragged, because that’s literally what he did. Having the exact same scenario play out only a couple of weeks prior to this. I knew what inevitably was going to happen. The officer gave me a breathalyzer test, to which I failed miserably. Blowing too high to be taken to the jail, I was put in the back of his car and taken to the hospital…again. This officer was not as understanding as the first one had been, a couple of weeks before. I was handcuffed to the bed at the hospital, a catheter was put in place, in case I had to go to the bathroom and they drew my blood to see where my blood alcohol level was at. It came back .51 this time. A little higher than the last time and extremely dangerous. After enough time had passed to where my BAC came down and they could transport me safely to the jail, it was back in the county lock up I went. Walking blindly drunk, had now got me arrested, not once, but twice.

…To Be Continued

I was so deeply buried in my addiction at that point. I am beyond grateful, that I am able to go through this story together with you. My hopes and prayers are that, it may be able to help you or someone you know. My addictive mindset didn’t care anything about what was going on around me. All it cared about was how to feed my habit and with as much booze as it possibly could. The unfortunate part to this story, is there’s still an entire decade of sadness to go through, before we get to the present time. One glorious part of the story though, is the fact that I am almost 2 years sober today as I write this. Sobriety has been an incredible blessing in my life. By the grace of God and the healing power of Jesus Christ, I am here and able to tell you about it. My story is only one of many others out there, just like it. There are tons of people living in a hell, that is unimaginable to people who have never experienced it firsthand. Either personally or with someone close to them. I assure you though, you know someone who is struggling. Reach out to them with as much love and positivity as you can! That is if you are able to and it’s safe for you to do so. Some people have themselves in such a deep, dark hole, that all you can do is pray for Jesus to get through to them. I assure you and am here to tell you, that prayers are not in vain for people struggling in addiction! They do work and I am living proof.

1 John 5:14-15 ESV 

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

1 Timothy 2:5 ESV 

For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,

Uncomfortable Encouters

Have you ever had an uncomfortable encounter with someone? You know, the one that neither person in the conversation really wants to be apart of. But, you do it anyways, because you feel you have to. I think we’ve all been a party to one of those instances. Whether it be someone who you haven’t seen in ages or the checkout person at Wal-Mart. There always seems to be an elephant in the room during the conversation. Even more so, when it comes to wrapping it up. Do you hug? Do you shake hands? If it’s a cool guy friend, do you fist bump or something? It’s generally awkward, to say the least.

Why is it so awkward though? Aren’t we all humans? Fighting our own battles and facing individual struggles, day in and day out? It seems in our society, that there is a growing problem and lack of, what I like to call “face to face” skills. Computers, cell phones and modern technology, have really put a damper, on our ability to interact with each other in person. Most stores now have self checkout lanes. Texting is much more popular than calling a person. We also can’t forget, how easy it is to rant and rave, about whatever it is that’s bothering us, on social media behind a keyboard. Technology is one of the reasons for uncomfortable encounters, but definitely not the sole reason.

Ego and where we perceive our social status to be, is probably a bigger issue. You generally won’t find too many CEO’s, hanging out with the production floor crew. Nor will you see the mom driving a $70,000 SUV going out of her way, to talk to the mom driving the $30,000 mini-van. I understand to a point, that the people in these scenarios, may not have a ton in common. But, maybe they have more in common than what they realize. After all, isn’t the CEO’s wealth, dependent upon the production workers ability to make the product, in order for his business to grow and thrive? The two moms depicted, are exactly that…moms. Certainly seems like a pretty common ground to me. Granted, in both of these instances, there is an economic gap. Maybe even an educational gap. I don’t see any reason, outside of each parties personal perception, as to why it would make either person uncomfortable, simply having a conversation.

“Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention.” – Jim Rohn

Our perception of what others think of us, plays a bigger role in our lives, than what we’d probably like to admit. There is also a point where we have to draw the line, that some people just aren’t positive for us to be around. They tend to be drama filled, resentment driven and the world owes them something, type of individuals. Angry at the CEO because he’s got money and they don’t. How could he possibly understand what it’s like to be in my shoes? What they’re failing to realize, is the concept, that the company pays them for the value they bring to the hour. Not just by the hour for showing up. Or, the presumptuous mom, thinking to herself that the mom driving the big fancy SUV doesn’t have a clue what it’s like driving a mini-van. Little does she know, how hard the other mom has worked to become more, in order to obtain more.

The uncomfortable encounters we all face can be dealt with and done so, rather easily. If there’s an elephant in the room, point it out. Talk about it, address it and move on. When talking with someone, if you’re uncomfortable, bring it up and laugh about it together. Chances are, you’re both feeling the same thing and can’t focus on anything else anyways. The resolution might be, that it boils down to taking the time to love your fellow humans. Who are just trying to make it through the day like you are. Take the time to embrace the circumstances given to you and the people in them, alongside you. Be a friend, not a foe. Be a listening ear, not a smug look. Be the light someone desperately needs, not the darkness they constantly receive. Turn an uncomfortable encounter, into a positive loving embrace. Be the smile that someone needs today. Humility will carry you much farther in the long run, than a larger than life persona ever will.

“Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.” – Jim Rohn

Friend or Acquaintance

It’s been said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Who are those 5 people in your circle? What do they add to your life? Is their character admirable? Are they a valuable friendship asset or are they simply an acquaintance? You know, someone who you may say hey to, if you see them on the street. But probably wouldn’t ever invite them to your house or go spend any time at theirs. The question then has to be asked, “What’s the purpose of keeping them in your life?”

Merriam-Webster defines friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem.” In other words, you share some sort of mutual bond, common interest or love for one another. Now, if we define acquaintance, it reads like this: “the state of being acquainted.” Meaning, you probably know who they are, maybe what they do for a living or a little something about them. But, don’t have that deep bond or similar passion, like you do with a friend. The question then, still remains “What’s the purpose of keeping them in your life?”

Perhaps we keep acquaintances in our lives so we don’t feel lonely. If we have a few hundred friends on social media, it gives us a sense of value. There also might be an instance where someone we know, may be able to offer a helpful tip, in our time of need. A plumber, builder, minister or the ever popular car mechanic, when our vehicle doesn’t want to get up and go like it should. Still the question remains “What’s the purpose of keeping them in our life?” If they’re there for nothing more, than to be used in our time of need, is that fair to them? Is it healthy for us, to use others and perhaps in turn, be used by them, when they are in need? Are we really loving well or being respectful of each other, at that point?

Friendship is a very valuable asset and shouldn’t be taken for granted. Neither should acquaintanceship. If there is someone in your life that you love enough to call friend, make sure they know that. Take the time to let them know what they mean to you. As for the answer to the question “What’s the purpose of having them in your life?” Only you can answer that. Maybe some negative people need to go or some positive people need to be added. Regardless, I would make sure that the 5 people closest to you, whether they are friends or acquaintances, are people you admire and respect. Folks that help keep your integrity intact, inspire you and together, you character build one another. Friends or acquaintances? Where you draw that line is completely up to you and certainly a valuable thought to ponder.

“Don’t join an easy crowd; you won’t grow. Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high.” – Jim Rohn

An Addicts Past, Pt. 13(The Lights Go Out)

One of the biggest lies the world wants to tell us, is that the decisions of the past are so secretive and destructive, that they can ruin our present. While the past choices we’ve made, may have had negative consequences or hurt those around us, they don’t have to have a negative connotation associated with them. The previous choices we’ve made, even the little ones, have helped to mold us and create us, into the wonderful person we are today. Every single decision you have ever made, positive or negative, has shaped you like a fine piece of pottery.  Stop allowing the opinions of others to affect how you view yourself or someone you love. One of the first things I ever had to learn when I got sober, was how poor some of my choices were, while I was actively drinking. I also had to face any and all repercussions of those choices. The glorious thing about life is its ability to be recreated over and over again. Allow your present to shine so bright, that any darkness from the past, equips you to shine even brighter into the future.

We are all affected by five things. But the most important thing that affects us is our dreams–our ability to see the future. But here’s why we don’t reach into the future. We’re trapped either by regret of the past or the routine of the present. So make sure that the greatest pull on you is the pull of the future.

Jim Rohn

…After losing two very dear friends, due to my excessive drinking, I decided it was time for a change. Something had to be done about the amount of booze I was consuming. I debated on going to an AA meeting or seeking help from a treatment center, but really couldn’t afford it. I also still had this viewpoint that AA was for quitters and I still wasn’t a quitter. Even though, it probably would’ve been the best thing that had ever happened to me at that point. I did manage to quit drinking for a few days, but with no job and way too much free time on my hands, it didn’t last long. I had developed such a routine of drinking all the time, that it was nearly impossible to break the habit. The pain over the loss of losing my dream job at the radio station, was only intensified by losing my friends. I used alcohol as a coping tool, because I felt it was the only consistent thing I had in my life. I felt like it was never going to let me down. I knew the result I got from using it and that was good enough for me.

Sitting in my apartment one early October afternoon, playing a game on my Playstation, the lights suddenly went dark. I looked out the front door to see a truck with NIPSCO” painted on the side of it. NIPSCO was the utility company that provided me with gas and electricity. I was so consumed with my addiction and drinking, I had neglected to pay my utility bill for a while. All my money went towards feeding my habit, rather than paying my bills. My thoughts immediately went towards anger at the point the lights went out. I grabbed the Louisville Slugger baseball bat I kept by my bed and headed outside. I’d show this guy who was boss. There was no way he was going to shut my power off. Strutting out there like I owned the joint and threatening the guy with all sorts of profanity and empty words, he kept right on doing his job. It wasn’t his fault I’d made poor choices to have my power shut off. Very angry and upset, I went back upstairs to my apartment and immediately called the utility company. Somebody needed ripped a new one and they were certainly, going to hear me out with my anger and frustration. Yeah, let me tell ya how far that didn’t get me. About as far as trying to run through the middle of a lake. Left with no power and nothing else to do, might as well drink and drink as much as I could. So I did.

Not too long after my power got turned off, the bank called about my car. I hadn’t been making the payments on that either. Fortunately my parents, who had a very good relationship with the bank, also received notification about my non-payment. Left with not much else to do, they decided to pay off what was left on the loan, in order to avoid me from digging myself into an even deeper credit hole. The stipulation for them doing so, was that they kept it at their house and I couldn’t drive it until I began paying them back. Whatever. I didn’t really care at that point. Y’all can just keep taking stuff away. My booze is still going to be here for me. The choice I had made to continue to drink, instead of paying bills, had literally left me in the dark in more ways than one.

…To Be Continued

It’s easy to look back now and see how spiteful I was. There is no way that my negative choices, could have been responsible for what was going on. It was the utility guys fault my power got shut off. It was the banks and my parents fault for taking my car. I had no blame whatsoever, in what was taking place. Boy, do I want to go back and knock myself upside the noggin’ and say “wake up!” The difference between “pro-active” thinking and “re-active” thinking, is that “pro-active” people see their role in what’s happened and have set themselves up, to be able to take the steps that are necessary, in order to get out of the situation. Whereas “re-active” people, tend to blame everything else but themselves, for what’s going on in their life. Leaving their fate in whatever happens. Reacting to their circumstances after they happen, rather than taking responsibility and being ready when it happens. If I have learned anything from my nearly 2 years of sobriety, it’s that the key to life isn’t so much what happens to us, but how we respond to what’s happened to us. Learning to be content in the circumstances no matter what. Life certainly isn’t easy at times, but it’s not as hard or complex as we try to make it. Situations aren’t complicated, only the people making the choices in them, are what makes life difficult. Be responsible for your actions and set yourself up to be able, to make choices that will have positive repercussions.

Galatians 6:7-8 ESV

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

2 Corinthians 9:6 ESV

The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.

Job 4:8 ESV

As I have seen, those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same.

An Addicts Past, Pt. 12(Friendship Fallout)

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration found that as many as 90% of people who most need drug rehab do not receive it. That stat to me is beyond astounding. Having personally never been in a treatment program or any sort of organized therapy group, I can’t honestly speak as to exactly what their methodology is or why people aren’t flocking to the treatment, they so desperately need. Obviously something isn’t attracting people to the help they need and that needs to change. The biggest problem I had with treatment centers and rehab facilities, was their referral to the folks they were helping, as “clients.” I understand there needs to be a professional atmosphere kept, but I am not someone you are selling magazine subscriptions to. I’m not an advertiser on your radio or television station. I am a human being in need of help. So treat me like one. The term client felt demeaning and that those who were “supposedly” helping were “better” than I was. I wanted humility, honesty and a caring organization that had been through what I had. I wanted them to fully understand the desire of my heart to clean myself up and not simply see me as a $$$ sign and a statistic to add to their programs itinerary. Whatever the case may be, something has got to change.

“We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation.” – Jim Rohn

…Things were a blur most of the Summer of 2007. Sure there were some good times and plenty of learning experiences. But, for the most part of that Summer, I just assume forget it. After Labor Day things really started to go downhill. One of my very dear friends Joe, was scheduled to get married at the end of September. I was incredibly excited about it, because he and his fiance were good friends and had been together since we were in high school. I was also excited because my friend Mike that had moved to Wisconsin, was coming back for the wedding. So was my best friend Jeff, who had been my best friend since the 1st grade. The plan was for Mike to come to town Friday night before the wedding and stay with me at my apartment. We scheduled a round of golf first thing Saturday morning and had plans to watch the Notre Dame Football game that afternoon at Jeff’s. Plans went according to schedule. Beers and golf Saturday morning, followed by more beers and football Saturday afternoon. Well let me rephrase that, I had more beers and football Saturday afternoon. I never really figured out the shut off valve for when to quit drinking.

After the game, Mike and I went back to my apartment to get ready for Joe’s wedding. It was an outdoor wedding/reception and not far from my house. Almost close enough that we could’ve walked. Fast forward to the wedding. Which I really only remember bits and pieces of. By the time the wedding commenced, I had more than enough to drink and should’ve stopped before the football game. After the wedding came the reception and free booze. Not what I needed any more of at that point. I succeeded in making a giant fool of myself in front of my friends and excessively over drinking. To the point where I was asked to leave or thought I was and didn’t go on the best of terms.

I woke up the next morning to horrible regret, over something, I wasn’t even sure what had went down. I had a general idea and a few tidbits of memory here and there, but no clear picture. My friend Mike was asleep on my futon and when he woke up, I got filled in on the whole picture. Yeah, that didn’t make me feel any better. If you have ever seen the movie Big Daddy, with Adam Sandler in it. There’s an old drunk guy in a few scenes, who’s catch phrase is “hell yes.” He says it in a deep, drunken, raspy voice. Evidently on more than one occasion, that phrase came out of my mouth and I was acting like an old drunken bum. Beyond embarrassed and not much pride left, I tried calling Joe to apologize. No answer. I tried calling Jeff to apologize to him and his wife. No answer there either. To this day, I have tried over and over again to reach out to them. No answer. My actions cost me two friends, whom I loved dearly. The only one that still talks to me from that weekend is Mike. I can’t even begin to describe how deep the pain of losing those two guys from my life was. It was like they had died and Joe’s wedding, was the funeral of our friendship. The pain from the loss, would only add fuel to the drunken fire of a mess, my life had become.

…To Be Continued

Looking back on this part of the story is especially hard. My alcohol infused decisions had not only taken over my life, it had now taken my friends from me. It seems when we’re in active addiction, that we’re in complete and 100% control. When in reality, we’re about as far from it, as we can possibly be. I am so thankful that I am able to sit here and even write this stuff down and share with others. With the hopes that, maybe the story Jesus is telling through me, can prevent someone else from going through the misery and anguish I have. If you are struggling and think you need help, please seek it! Because it might mean the difference between life and death.

James 1:2-4 ESV

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Psalm 9:9-10 ESV

The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 ESV

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Are You Ready To Get All That You Can?

There is a story of two farmers. It’s an old story and I’m not even sure where it originated. I just know I really like it. “There were two farmers who desperately needed rain, and both of them prayed for rain. But only one of them went out and prepared his fields to receive it.  Which one do you think trusted God to send the rain; the answer the one who prepared his fields for it?”

The story is an excellent representation of the law of attraction. The first farmer figured if he prayed hard enough, things would just come to him. Oblivious or unaware, I’m not sure, that when the rain fell on his dry ground, it would quickly wash away. Providing no benefit for his crops. He hadn’t done anything, in order to receive anything.

Now the second farmer, he was well aware of how to receive the rain. He realized that he had to prepare his field, so that it could soak up the rains falling on it. Thus providing the valuable nutrients for his crops.

Its been said that if all the world’s wealth was gathered up, then redistributed, it would wind up back in the hands of the 5% that had it in the first place. If you get a million bucks, you had better hurry up and become a millionaire. Because if you don’t know how to manage it, you will quickly lose it. If you’re wanting a management position at work or to move up in the company, what are you doing to prepare yourself to be a manager? Are you living a lonely and miserable life? Wondering why nobody wants to be in a relationship with you or why all your past relationships have failed? It isn’t that there isn’t somebody out there for you or that they can’t “handle” you. It’s that you probably haven’t done anything to change for the positive or become more attractive. We aren’t talking about physical looks or anything associated with outer beauty here. The law of attraction is simple, if you want to have more, you have to become more. It’s the basic principle of sowing more in order to reap more. If you aren’t getting what you want or where you want to be in life, the only consistent variable in the equation…is you. There’s no rocket science or psychological degree needed to figure that out.

Don’t be confused or misled, by the idea that if something doesn’t work out, the shoe or blame, is on somebody else’s foot. That’s the ever popular mentality that “I’m not getting where I deserve to be, because whoever wouldn’t recognize what I offer, if I jumped up and bit ’em in the behind.”  If you want something bad enough, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. Which is exactly what putting the responsibility for you not getting where you want to be, on someone else, is doing. Providing yourself with an excuse to stay where you are. If you want to be more successful, become someone who learns and knows what success looks like. If you want more happiness, become someone who has a joyful outlook and finds the positive in life. If you want more opportunities, become someone who opportunity pursues. You are the key ingredient to getting where you want to be. Have a little faith in yourself and your abilities. Do what it takes, put in the work and invest in becoming more.

Does Profanity Have A Place?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this particular topic lately. Does using swear words really get your point across more so, than not using it? Maybe it’s a 4 letter word to really show someone you’re angry with them. Perhaps it’s part of your everyday speech. Swearing shows up on several lists as being one of the hardest habits to break. The question still has me perplexed..Is it effective?

“The subtle difference in our attitude can make a major difference in our future. It can be as simple as the language we use.” – Jim Rohn

Research has shown that on average, a person uses between 80-90 swear words a day. That breaks down to just under 4 words an hour. I suppose I can see that. I know some people who can use 4 in a single sentence and other people, if a cuss word came out of their mouth, my jaw would hit the floor. Some places where profanity is heard could be a bar, a locker room and definitely on the golf course lol. The language used in a business or an office setting, probably isn’t going to feature too many foul words. That could depend on the owner and the setting of the business though. In some instances, it may make the difference between, whether you get a big promotion or you don’t. Holding ones tongue can show immense self-discipline. It can represent the fact that,  you want to take the time to process in your mind the exact words you want to use, before they come out of your mouth. Reflecting to your boss that you have the ability to control your tongue if you need to.

Ephesians 4:29 ESV

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Maybe it boils down to this, if it isn’t encouraging anyone, then it shouldn’t be used. There is however, a time and a place for everything. Might even be a place for cursing. The language we use should always build each other up in love, not tear anyone down or intentionally hurt them. The bottom line still holds true that, if you can’t say anything nice, perhaps you shouldn’t say anything at all. I believe Mark Twain may have put it best when he said “It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt”

An Addicts Past Pt. 11(Wasted Summer)

How much time do we waste in an actual day? My guess is a lot more than we’d want to admit or find out. It might start with laying in bed for an extra 5-10 minutes or rushing the drive to work. Often times we’re in such a hurry, we become so focused on getting to our destination, that we forget to sit back, turn on the radio and enjoy the ride. Our lives seem to reflect this pattern as well. We are so concerned about reaching our goals and getting to the next tier at our jobs, that we completely miss out on the enjoyment of the path we went down to get there. If you accumulate all of that time into one big lump sum…wow, what a lot of time we spent just to get to something or somewhere else. Life is a very precious gift and we aren’t guaranteed another minute, hour or day. Perhaps if we sat back and enjoyed the ride a little more, rather than speed through it, we’d all be a lot more relaxed and a little better off.

“We overvalue non-essentials like a nicer car or house, or even intangibles like the number of our followers on Twitter or the way we look in our Facebook photos. As a result, we neglect activities that are truly essential, like spending time with our loved ones, or nurturing our spirit, or taking care of our health.” – Greg McKeown

 

…After losing my job at the radio station, I was completely distraught. I’d lost something that I loved dearly and it affected me to my core. I also held a very strong dependency on alcohol in my hands. Regardless, I did what you can imagine an irresponsible 26-year-old would do after losing his job…I lived it up. I bought some new golf clubs, a Play Station 2 and upgraded my satellite subscription. All that, as well as, spending a whole lot of time sitting on a bar stool. So much time, that it almost became my new career. I set my alarm daily for 6:15 a.m. That way I had enough time to hop in the shower and get to the bar by 7 a.m. when they opened. I drank 24/7 and as often as I could. The only time I wasn’t drinking, was when I was sleeping. That consisted of an hour nap here or there and whenever I drank enough to pass out. Didn’t really matter what time of the day it was.

Bitter and angry at the world and the radio station, I devoted my life to showing everyone that I didn’t need them. I wanted no part of it anymore. Any chance I got, I talked bad about the radio station and the people in it. That bitterness stayed with me for a very long time. Truth be told, the better part of a decade. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my sails. Rather than repair them, put them back up and get my life back on track…I tried to show it which way it needed to blow. Yeah, not a very good strategy. Memorial Day was party time, 4th of July was party time…shoot, anytime was party time.

The problem that was starting to pile up, besides my drinking habit, was my bills. I had neglected to pay my car payment, my rent and my power bill. As those started to accumulate, due to the fact all my money was spent on having a good time rather than being responsible, so did my stress level. Which only intensified my heavy drinking. It gave me, what I deemed as, a reason for drinking all the time. My rent didn’t get paid…I might as well drink. The bank keeps calling wanting money…go to the bar and get hammered. This happening after crying on the phone to the loan officer about how pitiful my circumstances were. I was so frustrated that I didn’t know which way was up and which way was down.

My faith began to suffer as well. If you remember from a couple of previous blogs ago, I had made a pact with myself. The pact was, to get my butt in church on Sunday morning, no matter what happened the rest of the week or Saturday night. Yeah, I stuck with that. Most of the time against my better judgement. I can’t tell you how many times I showed up Sunday morning with booze in an “inconspicuous” coffee cup. Then there were other times where I took a few shots before going inside, out in the parking lot. Some Sunday mornings, I’d leave the bar Saturday night about 3 or 4 in the morning and sleep in my car in the churches parking lot. Just so I wouldn’t miss it. There was this deep longing inside that I couldn’t let God down. I didn’t care about anyone else, but God always had top priority. Which only lead to feelings of disappointment and resentment about myself, once I got inside and heard Denny Wilson preaching. I am not sure if anyone knew the mess my life was, smelled the alcohol on my breath and didn’t care or didn’t know how to approach it. At that point, I honestly didn’t care. I was simply going through the motions and doing what I felt, I had to do.

…To Be Continued

 

Why is it in life that we have to hit rock bottom before we pursue Jesus? It also seems, that when someone close to us passes away, that we reach for God’s hand. Maybe it helps us realize how much time we’re wasting. The mystery that surrounds times of distress and why it takes those things to happen, before we realize how much we need Him, is beyond me. Perhaps it’ll be one of the first questions I ask the Lord when I get to Heaven. The fact is, Jesus is always pursuing us. Even when we’re at our worst or even when we’re at our best, He is always chasing after us. Reaching out His wide open arms with love and grace. Then there are times where, He’s got the stern hand of a loving father. Disciplining us when He feels we need to get back on the right road, in order to walk the straight and narrow. No matter where we’re at or what we’ve done, Jesus paid the ultimate price to cover our sins. He has fought the battle of life and death and won that war for us. We need only to rely on Him and the strength provided by the Holy Spirit. Find peace in the fact that, while we don’t know or have all the answers, God does. He is the author and creator of life. Peace is found when we’re humbled by His loving strength.

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” – John 14:27

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON PRAYING FOR HEALING MIGHT NEED A TWIST

The other day in church, I heard a passage of scripture from the book of James. It’s a very popular one and is used often for those who are sick or for healing in general. The perspective I’m about to offer, might not be what you want to hear, but it really hit me like a ton of bricks and is worth sharing. And just maybe, you need to hear it too. Let’s start with the passage from James 5:

James 5:13-16 New International Version (NIV)

The Prayer of Faith

13 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

It focuses on prayer, being faithful in prayer and how powerful a prayer can be. I want to specifically highlight verses 14-15. Here it refers to praying for healing and a prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well. The Lord will raise them up. It also talks about sins being forgiven, if they have any. Which we know everyone does based off (Romans 3:23).

Here’s my thoughts on this. When we pray for healing for our loved ones or friends, are we asking for Gods will in healing; or are we asking out of selfish ambition, in order to keep whomever alive on Earth for a little longer? Because in this passage from James, when it talks about healing, it states it will make the sick person well and the Lord will raise them up. Perhaps the healing they receive is not in this life, but when they pass through to the next. The Lord heals their wounds or sickness and raises them up everlasting, where they’re in no more Earthly pain. In other words, death on Earth, an everlasting healed life in heaven. A couple of verses in Psalms also talk about the Lord healing:

Psalm 41:3 ESV

The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health.

Psalm 30:2 ESV

O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.

So often we pray for healing, yet get angry at God when a family member or friend dies or the healing doesn’t come the way we want it to. Maybe the question to ask isn’t, why didn’t you answer my prayer God? But rather, our perspective needs a twist to see that God did indeed answer our prayers for healing. It just wasn’t the answer WE thought was best, but what God knew was best. Be careful and focus when you pray. Pay attention to how you pray. Try to align your will with Gods and prepare your heart for His answer. Because the answer will come, maybe just not in the manner which you expected.

Either The Past Is The Past, Or It’s Not

How do you talk about your specific past? Is it something you’d just assume forget, but the more you try to forget it, the more you seem to dwell on it? Often times we find ourselves remembering it to be what we want it to be and not what it actually was. Then there are times where we do think of it as being a certain way, only to find out it was the opposite and then it becomes a potential stumbling block. However you look at your own personal past, is between you and God. As much as people want to throw it in your face or base your present on the past, they cannot. The reason they can’t is because you alone are in charge of where you go from here. Either you start taking steps forward to provide evidence that you aren’t who you once were or give them all the reasons they need to know that you are indeed, still the same person. The never-ending cycle of the past repeating itself, is going to continue to happen unless you do something to change the direction your life is heading. The great news is that there is always hope. A deep, burning hope, that we can at anytime, become more than what we are.

You see as humans, we are one of, if not the only, creature on the planet that never lives up to its full potential. We always have the ability to be more than we actually are. If we aren’t where we want to be in life, it is generally our own limitations or negative self talk, that has put us there. If you find yourself talking about the negative in your life…STOP! Stop immediately! If you have to tell yourself out loud to stop, then by all means, do it! We talk so negatively about ourselves and our hang ups that we give them power over us. As a recovering alcoholic, I could very easily wake up each day and dwell on the fact that I used to be a drunk, reliant on booze, but I don’t. I choose to wake up each day and say “Lord, I am thankful that you have saved me from that horrible life and I am and will be, forever grateful!” Where you focus your energy and the language you use to talk about what’s happening in your life, whether it be to yourself or to others, determines how your day will go.

There’s an old saying that “Misery loves company.” I think it is more prevalent now than it has ever been before. You could post or Tweet something negative and you’ll have an incredible amount of people like it or want to jump in that negative boat with you. On the other hand, the minute you post something positive, that actually contains the blunt, straight forward honest reality of life, you get nothing. Our human brain loves seeing others in misery just as much as we are. It makes us feel more real, authentic and human. So it would seem anyways. It is a lie created by Satan himself to trap us in negativity and keep us away from God’s light. I’ve talked with a lot of recovering addicts and people struggling with mental illness over the past couple of years. It’s a fine line when we talk about our past and our personal stories, between justifying it or being accountable for it. The justification of our past acknowledges what happened, but wants to blame everything on the circumstances, the people and the problems that occurred for why it happened. It allows our brains to justify it, but not fully take accountability for it. It appears to be taking responsibility for what has happened, but we are never at fault for anything. It is an incredibly popular approach and everybody and their brother can relate to it, because we’ve all been there and done that.

The accountability, and much less popular approach, comes at the past a little differently. It also acknowledges what happened, but sees that, while the exact same circumstances, people and problems occurred…the blame doesn’t lie on them, it was our choices that played the big part in putting us in the position or mess we were in. It doesn’t devalue what happened or lessen at all how we feel about it. What it does do, is set up a pattern of becoming accountable for our actions and choices and it allows for more accountability to be there in the future. Whereas, when we justify the past, our brain wants to continue blaming rather than accept responsibility. Like I said before, it is a very fine line between the two.

It is incredibly important to be accountable for our choices and actions! When we can take the negative from the past and use it as fuel for our future, it unlocks power inside of us, that brings unbelievable joy into our lives. The misery in our past no longer needs company, because it is overcome with gratefulness. When we give God the glory at all times, take accountability for what He is doing in our lives and accept the responsibility for the part He wants us to play…we allow Jesus to work in our lives. It becomes about Him, not us. Everyone has a past, mistakes, regrets and all sorts of things they’d just assume forget. The past may have given you a reason for making you who you are today, but it doesn’t give you a right to stay there any longer. Quit giving it so much credit and either take what you need to learn from it and move forward or keep reminding yourself of it, dwell on it and live there. Ultimately, that choice is up to nobody else but Y-O-U.

Philippians 3:12-15

¹² Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.¹³ Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,¹⁴ I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.¹⁵ Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.¹⁶ Only let us hold true to what we have attained.