An Addicts Past Pt. 14(Walking Blindly)

What happens when we walk blindly through life? A couple of things can happen. Maybe we run into something or try to feel our way to where we’re going, with our other senses. Sometimes in life, we tend to start things, walking blindly. We really have no clue what we’re doing or where we’re headed. We take a bold leap of faith into the unknown. With the hope in our minds, that it’s what God is asking of us to do, for Him. How often though, do we find ourselves, running into things almost immediately? The question then becomes, how do we recover from the stumbling block we’ve hit? One of two things can happen at that point; learn from what’s happened and apply it moving forward or stay stuck right where what has tripped us up is at, and quit. The great thing about falling down and having to get back up, is that it teaches us how to learn from what’s tripped us up and persevere. Life is full of challenges and adversity. It is in those circumstances, that we learn and grow.

“Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition – such as lifting weights – we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.” – Stephen Covey

…After the lights went out, I was left living in a dark apartment. Both literally and figuratively. I was in a very dark place in every way you can imagine. I now had no running water, no electricity, no heat or air, my spiritual life was non existent…I felt I had nothing. I did buy some batteries so I could at least listen to the radio, but the one I had, was very old and the battery receptacles were corroded. That didn’t even want to work. I didn’t have enough money to pay the utility bill, in order to get the lights turned back on. So I decided to do without until I could. I wasn’t going to let anything or anybody stand in my way. By this time, my drinking habit had got so heavy, that it was a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week, job. The only time I slept, was when I passed out and that was only for 2 or 3 hours at a time. Since I had no car, due to my parents keeping it at their house, I walked everywhere.

With no power at home, that meant no hot water heater either. I took a lot of very cold showers. I really didn’t spend very much time at my apartment. Why would I? I had nothing to do there. It was a place to sleep, that was out of the elements, and that was about it. I did have a few choices as to where I could walk to, because I lived on Center St. Almost right in the middle of town. I spent a lot of time walking to the bar, the liquor store and wherever. One afternoon I decided to walk uptown, due to horrible boredom. Drank on the walk there and spent most of the afternoon at a bar called the Downtown. It was probably about 12 or 13 city blocks from my apartment. Which equates to a little over a mile. On my way home, I walked past a house where I recognized a lady I knew. I was only about 2 blocks or so, away from my place and stopped to talk with her for a few. It was my brother in laws sister. She must’ve realized how intoxicated I was. Because after a fairly short time, she asked me if I wanted a ride home. I was very adamant with her though, about how “fine” I was. It wasn’t long after I left our conversation and headed back down the sidewalk, that a city police officer drove past. He recognized how intoxicated I was as well. Immediately whipped his car around and came to investigate. The details of what happened are pretty fuzzy. As I was highly intoxicated and not real cooperative. I just wanted to go home. But, I never made it. My brother in laws sister seen the cop and came to the scene to try and explain to the officer she would take me home, but the officer refused. Probably because I was belligerent drunk. He administered a breathalyzer, which was off the charts high when I blew into it. Concerned for my safety, he placed me in the back of his squad car and off to the hospital we went. He felt I was at a dangerous level and wanted the hospital to monitor me until it came down. The blood drawl at the hospital came back at .49. If you’re doing the math at home, that’s a little over 6 times the legal limit. I was eventually arrested on a public intoxication charge and spent a couple of nights in the county jail.

I got out of jail and again, am at a point where I know it’s time for a change and the drinking needs to stop. I mean most people at .49, the Dr. informed me at the hospital, are either dead or in convulsions. I had such a nasty habit though, my body had become accustomed to having such a high level of alcohol in it. I think it kind of baffled him and me both honestly. I had this thought in my head about dying and the reality of what had just happened. I certainly wasn’t read to die. I had never been married. No kids yet and I had a lot of life to live. It might be time to slow down on the drinking. I gave it another pretty pathetic effort, which lasted about a week before the boredom at my dark apartment, got the best of me. A friend lived about 2 or 3 houses away and one Saturday afternoon, he invited me over to watch college football and have some drinks. Sounded much better than sitting home alone in the dark. So bring it on. We started drinking about 11 a.m. and watched one game, before he and his wife had to go somewhere. I knew they had plans going into it, but was more than okay with however long it lasted. I just didn’t want to be alone in my apartment. We had been drinking vodka cranberries during the game and I thought they were pretty tasty. So after I left his house, I walked up to the CVS to get the ingredients to make the biggest one I could find. I grabbed a half-gallon of vodka, some cranberry juice, a bag of ice and went back to my apartment. Where I drank sitting alone in the dark. Later that day, a few other people I knew, were having a get together and had invited me over. Again, stricken with boredom, I decided to walk over to their house. My half gallon of vodka was about half empty by this time and I really should’ve stayed home. But, I went anyways.

When I arrived at the get together, I was pretty heavily intoxicated. I polished off most of what was remaining in the half-gallon on the way there. It wasn’t long after I got there, before I made a fool of myself and was asked to leave. At that point, I really didn’t care. The rest of my bottle was waiting for me outside. Screw them if they didn’t want me at their party. I started walking home and almost made it, before I again got passed by a city cop. He pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building, just as I was heading up the stairs on the outside of my apartment. I got about half way up them, only to be dragged back down by the officer. I say dragged, because that’s literally what he did. Having the exact same scenario play out only a couple of weeks prior to this. I knew what inevitably was going to happen. The officer gave me a breathalyzer test, to which I failed miserably. Blowing too high to be taken to the jail, I was put in the back of his car and taken to the hospital…again. This officer was not as understanding as the first one had been, a couple of weeks before. I was handcuffed to the bed at the hospital, a catheter was put in place, in case I had to go to the bathroom and they drew my blood to see where my blood alcohol level was at. It came back .51 this time. A little higher than the last time and extremely dangerous. After enough time had passed to where my BAC came down and they could transport me safely to the jail, it was back in the county lock up I went. Walking blindly drunk, had now got me arrested, not once, but twice.

…To Be Continued

I was so deeply buried in my addiction at that point. I am beyond grateful, that I am able to go through this story together with you. My hopes and prayers are that, it may be able to help you or someone you know. My addictive mindset didn’t care anything about what was going on around me. All it cared about was how to feed my habit and with as much booze as it possibly could. The unfortunate part to this story, is there’s still an entire decade of sadness to go through, before we get to the present time. One glorious part of the story though, is the fact that I am almost 2 years sober today as I write this. Sobriety has been an incredible blessing in my life. By the grace of God and the healing power of Jesus Christ, I am here and able to tell you about it. My story is only one of many others out there, just like it. There are tons of people living in a hell, that is unimaginable to people who have never experienced it firsthand. Either personally or with someone close to them. I assure you though, you know someone who is struggling. Reach out to them with as much love and positivity as you can! That is if you are able to and it’s safe for you to do so. Some people have themselves in such a deep, dark hole, that all you can do is pray for Jesus to get through to them. I assure you and am here to tell you, that prayers are not in vain for people struggling in addiction! They do work and I am living proof.

1 John 5:14-15 ESV 

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

1 Timothy 2:5 ESV 

For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,