Life is a very, very short thing. Unfortunately during my 37 almost 38 years of life, I’ve seemed to have learned this concept the hard way. Often times we take for granted the amount of time that we have. It could be racing through a week to get to an exciting weekend that you have planned. Maybe it’s trying to get 8 hours in at work, in order to get off and do whatever you want to after work. All of that time spent racing through life is time that you will never get back. It is a disservice to yourself and to everyone that you come into contact with daily. You are conveying that your life, nor theirs, is important enough to take the time out of your busy day, to have an interaction with them. We are never guaranteed another day on this Earth. We aren’t even guaranteed another minute. At any given time, life as we know it, could cease to exist. What do you stand for? What are you doing with the time you have? Are you being as posiductive(positive+productive) as you possibly can? How are you spending your time?
“Days are expensive. When you spend a day you have one less day to spend. So make sure you spend each one wisely.” – Jim Rohn
An Addicts Past Pt. 10(The Fallout Continues)
…If you remember from Pt. 9, I had recorded my Saturday morning show rather intoxicated and received a phone call on my way to Jack’s from Patrick. Who said “We’d discuss it Monday.” After spending most of the day Saturday thinking about it and all day Sunday dwelling on it, I felt pretty remorseful and ashamed. The conversation Monday went about as well as it could have, considering the situation. I had been given quite a few “get out of jail free” cards, if you will and simply taken them for granted. It had got to the point to where the choice I had been given before, about getting help or lose my job, was past knocking at my doorstep. The door was open and I was about ready to get walked out of it. Yet again though, I refused to do anything about it. My thoughts on getting help were that of a quitter. AA or any kind of treatment, was for quitters, the mentally ill and I certainly was neither of those. Stubborn as the day is long, but definitely no quitter or struggling with a mental problem!
In May of 2007, it eventually caught up with me. I’d had enough, the station had had enough and in the middle of the morning, I was at the end of my road. With tears in my eyes and a bottle of Johnnie Walker in one hand, I was terminated from my dream job at the radio station. By this time I was ready to be done and they were ready to be done as well. I had pretty much realized my tenure there was over and already had my desk cleaned out. Other than a few cd’s remaining and what little pride I had left, I walked out the doors of 216 W. Market St. for the last time as Josh “The Jellyman” Schmucker. The one memory that sticks out in my mind, was walking past all of my co-workers. Seeing the pain in their tear filled eyes and the heads in their hands, as they lay on their desks. It was enough to bring me to continued tears of my own sitting in my car outside of the building. I bet I sat there for a good 15 minutes and broke down feeling about as low as any man could get. The folks at the radio station had become like family to me. There was a running joke kinda phrase that went around to the effect of “We married and buried a lot of people.” Feeling like you let people down that cared that deeply about you, is a feeling that is indescribable and one I’ll never forget.
What does any alcoholic feeling low do at 11 a.m. who just lost his job? He heads to the bar. I was trying my best to mask the pain of losing the life I had spent all of my adult life building. At only 26 years old and faced with the pain of regret and screwing up, my life began to spiral downward even more. The radio station agreed to pay me unemployment until I could find another job. I also received about 4 weeks of vacation pay and I cashed out my 401K that I had accumulated too. After it was all said and done, I had a pretty large sum of cash. The absolute worst thing that could’ve happened at that point. Especially since all I wanted to do was drown my sorrows in booze, sit in the bar 24/7 and had zero responsibilities. The Summer of 2007 wasn’t starting out on a good note and it would only exemplify an already developed drinking problem.
…To Be Continued
Time is something that we never get back. This part of the story was without a doubt, the hardest part to write. I deeply loved the radio station and everybody that worked for it. The time I spent there was some of the best time in my life. It was also time that I took horribly for granted. My expectation was that there would always be another chance. A chance to clean myself up and get past my addiction. I’m here to tell ya, that simply wasn’t the case. Our choices and our actions put other people in positions they don’t want to be in at times. It forces them to make decisions they should never have to make. I’m a firm believer that life isn’t what happens to us, but rather how we respond to what happens to us. The same goes for others. How they respond to our choices and actions is often a result of how we’ve chosen to respond. The beauty of life though, is such that at any time, we can choose to change how we respond. Allowing those around us, to be able to respond more positively. We can always choose to be content with what life has dealt us due to our actions or inaction, and become a better person despite the circumstances. You can always get more money, but you can never get more time. Be grateful for the people, places and things in your life. God has put them there for a reason and He is allowing you to go through the storms of life, in order to help you be a stronger person, for a battle you have yet to know anything about. God always has a plan and He is faithful to make good on His promises.
Proverbs 19:21 ESV
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand”
Ephesians 2:10 ESV
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
Josh Schmucker 