An Addicts Past Pt. 11(Wasted Summer)

How much time do we waste in an actual day? My guess is a lot more than we’d want to admit or find out. It might start with laying in bed for an extra 5-10 minutes or rushing the drive to work. Often times we’re in such a hurry, we become so focused on getting to our destination, that we forget to sit back, turn on the radio and enjoy the ride. Our lives seem to reflect this pattern as well. We are so concerned about reaching our goals and getting to the next tier at our jobs, that we completely miss out on the enjoyment of the path we went down to get there. If you accumulate all of that time into one big lump sum…wow, what a lot of time we spent just to get to something or somewhere else. Life is a very precious gift and we aren’t guaranteed another minute, hour or day. Perhaps if we sat back and enjoyed the ride a little more, rather than speed through it, we’d all be a lot more relaxed and a little better off.

“We overvalue non-essentials like a nicer car or house, or even intangibles like the number of our followers on Twitter or the way we look in our Facebook photos. As a result, we neglect activities that are truly essential, like spending time with our loved ones, or nurturing our spirit, or taking care of our health.” – Greg McKeown

 

…After losing my job at the radio station, I was completely distraught. I’d lost something that I loved dearly and it affected me to my core. I also held a very strong dependency on alcohol in my hands. Regardless, I did what you can imagine an irresponsible 26-year-old would do after losing his job…I lived it up. I bought some new golf clubs, a Play Station 2 and upgraded my satellite subscription. All that, as well as, spending a whole lot of time sitting on a bar stool. So much time, that it almost became my new career. I set my alarm daily for 6:15 a.m. That way I had enough time to hop in the shower and get to the bar by 7 a.m. when they opened. I drank 24/7 and as often as I could. The only time I wasn’t drinking, was when I was sleeping. That consisted of an hour nap here or there and whenever I drank enough to pass out. Didn’t really matter what time of the day it was.

Bitter and angry at the world and the radio station, I devoted my life to showing everyone that I didn’t need them. I wanted no part of it anymore. Any chance I got, I talked bad about the radio station and the people in it. That bitterness stayed with me for a very long time. Truth be told, the better part of a decade. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my sails. Rather than repair them, put them back up and get my life back on track…I tried to show it which way it needed to blow. Yeah, not a very good strategy. Memorial Day was party time, 4th of July was party time…shoot, anytime was party time.

The problem that was starting to pile up, besides my drinking habit, was my bills. I had neglected to pay my car payment, my rent and my power bill. As those started to accumulate, due to the fact all my money was spent on having a good time rather than being responsible, so did my stress level. Which only intensified my heavy drinking. It gave me, what I deemed as, a reason for drinking all the time. My rent didn’t get paid…I might as well drink. The bank keeps calling wanting money…go to the bar and get hammered. This happening after crying on the phone to the loan officer about how pitiful my circumstances were. I was so frustrated that I didn’t know which way was up and which way was down.

My faith began to suffer as well. If you remember from a couple of previous blogs ago, I had made a pact with myself. The pact was, to get my butt in church on Sunday morning, no matter what happened the rest of the week or Saturday night. Yeah, I stuck with that. Most of the time against my better judgement. I can’t tell you how many times I showed up Sunday morning with booze in an “inconspicuous” coffee cup. Then there were other times where I took a few shots before going inside, out in the parking lot. Some Sunday mornings, I’d leave the bar Saturday night about 3 or 4 in the morning and sleep in my car in the churches parking lot. Just so I wouldn’t miss it. There was this deep longing inside that I couldn’t let God down. I didn’t care about anyone else, but God always had top priority. Which only lead to feelings of disappointment and resentment about myself, once I got inside and heard Denny Wilson preaching. I am not sure if anyone knew the mess my life was, smelled the alcohol on my breath and didn’t care or didn’t know how to approach it. At that point, I honestly didn’t care. I was simply going through the motions and doing what I felt, I had to do.

…To Be Continued

 

Why is it in life that we have to hit rock bottom before we pursue Jesus? It also seems, that when someone close to us passes away, that we reach for God’s hand. Maybe it helps us realize how much time we’re wasting. The mystery that surrounds times of distress and why it takes those things to happen, before we realize how much we need Him, is beyond me. Perhaps it’ll be one of the first questions I ask the Lord when I get to Heaven. The fact is, Jesus is always pursuing us. Even when we’re at our worst or even when we’re at our best, He is always chasing after us. Reaching out His wide open arms with love and grace. Then there are times where, He’s got the stern hand of a loving father. Disciplining us when He feels we need to get back on the right road, in order to walk the straight and narrow. No matter where we’re at or what we’ve done, Jesus paid the ultimate price to cover our sins. He has fought the battle of life and death and won that war for us. We need only to rely on Him and the strength provided by the Holy Spirit. Find peace in the fact that, while we don’t know or have all the answers, God does. He is the author and creator of life. Peace is found when we’re humbled by His loving strength.

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” – John 14:27

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33